His words were so loud and angry and I had no idea
where all of this rage against me came from. As I sat
holding my newborn tightly in my arms, I began to burn
inside with anger, and cry inside because of the pain. As
I sat there I began to think about the verbal abuse that
had just been inflicted upon me. I was reminded of my
childhood where my mother, foster parents, and other
adults would inflict this same kind of pain on me. In this
present situation, I reverted back to accepting old habits.
I accepted their reprimand and remained a member. I
thought being hurt by your pastors in the flesh was a
process of purging and cleansing the soul. I was still
accepting negative pain for love, but pain is not love.
Love is defined in I Corinthians 13: 4-8 as:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does
not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not selfseeking,
it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of
wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with
the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always
hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
It was not God’s plan for me to accept negative pain for
love. That is not the attributes of God. He himself would
not personally inflict pain on you using the excuse of love.
He may allow you to go through the process of necessary
pain that will result in restoration, but not inflict pain
that would damage you. Even though their claims had no
basis and because I had not yet grasped this concept of
God, I took their advice and desired to work harder at
being a more submitted wife.
Excerpt from Moment of Clarity